This morning in church, I had another realization about the Depressed Me vs the Real Me. When I'm in a funk and struggling, everything within me resists reading the Bible. I just can't do it. I struggle with prayer. I find it easy to blame little dumb things on God (gee, thanks a lot for giving me my period on the week of vacation, God!! @#%^$#). I can't concentrate or comprehend sermons in church. My faith is weak, to put it mildly.
Today, on the other hand, I'm in a great mood and feeling "normal". This morning I had a literal craving to pick up my Bible and read. I was able to take notes and really hear the sermon. I've noticed this in the past, as well. On good days, I take notes and really enjoy the preaching. I can pray, I can trust, I can believe.
Interesting. Why is this? Does Satan have a strong hold on me, struggling to pull me permanently into the pits of depression? Or is my faith so weak that just being in bad mood pulls me away from it?
God, help me. God, hear me. Hear my cry.
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